I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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