my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
