i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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