we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
