I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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