i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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