Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
