did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
