im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
