What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
