All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She bit a glass in half.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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