I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
