She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
