You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
