u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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