I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
