I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
