I'd wear matching sweaters with you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
