who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
