Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
