Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He better not be in your backpack
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
