just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
