OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
