Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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