btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
