Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
