i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
