What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
