just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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