Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
