so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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