Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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