Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
