Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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