i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
