How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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