ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
