I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
