As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
