Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
