Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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