i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
