I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
