So drunk its hurt
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
