so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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