She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Randomize
