mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
