I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
