the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
