I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
