have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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