Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
