can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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