This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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