Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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