he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
