He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
